The Wizard Of Terminal City
by Captain Riterra Smith
Summary: Juliet visits a magical world populated by almost familiar characters, but she knows as well as anyone, there's no place like home
1. A Very Juliet Prologue

The Wizard of Terminal City

Stave One

6 pm on a Tuesday found Juliet O'Hara relaxing on her couch catching up on the news with her 15-pound mutt Ci Ci. She had been expecting Shawn at about this time but he had called to tell her his racquetball game with Gus was running long and to swear he would be there as soon as he could. Juliet turned her attention back to the news just as the weather came on.

"The Southern California coast will be experiencing an extremely rare tropical storm with driving rain and wind gusts exceeding 90 mph. The cyclone is expected to make landfall within minutes and residents are advised to remain in their homes. More on this storm as it develops."

In no time at all Juliet could hear the rain pour and the wind howl. "Perfect" she grumbled. "If I wanted to sit through weather like this I would've stayed in Miami." Ci Ci yapped at the thunder while Juliet moved to shut the windows. She paused to observe the water run down the glass in sheets as the sky beyond darkened every minute. What she couldn't see was the wind threatening to rip apart the tree in her neighbor's yard. Before she had a chance to react, a limb as big as herself snapped and was hurled through the window straight at Juliet's head. She staggered back as fireworks of pain shot out from the injury. Her world faded to black as her body collapsed to the floor. Bark as she might, Ci Ci could not wake her mistress up.


	2. Not In Santa Barbara Anymore

Disclaimer: Not mine. But I do love to play with it!

Stave Two

Juliet did come around maybe minutes later maybe hours, she didn't know. Her furry companion was simply overjoyed that she had opened her eyes after a mighty struggle. She winced against the white-hot pain in her head and the unnaturally bright sunlight streaming in through the shattered window. Sunlight? Then she had been passed out the whole night into the next day. "God, owww…" Juliet pressed her hand to the bump on her forehead hissing until the throb subsided. She discovered her hand was now sticky and red with blood from a gash on her head. Her next course of action was to curse then clean the wound.

Ci Ci followed her mistress around in a terribly concerned manner. "Don't worry girl, I'll be okay." Juliet assured the pooch as soon as she had patched herself up. Next thing to deal with was the property damage. However, when she went to examine the window, what she saw outside snatched her attention away from the splinters of wood and glass. Juliet was sure her eyes were deceiving her but she hastened to the door and stepped outside to double check.

The full view was even more unbelievable than the glimpse out the window. Her neighborhood had been replaced by a setting that looked like an illustration from a children's book. The colors were bolder and brighter, making the California foliage look like it was transplanted from a tropical rainforest. The houses were smaller, like dollhouses and her street was now… a railroad track? Ci Ci was only too eager to explore this new world racing out the front door before Juliet could yell "Ci Ci! No!" The curious mutt barked playfully at a sparkling pink bubble drifting towards them from out of thin air. When it came to rest in front of Juliet and her misplaced domicile, the bubble was as tall as she was. She had only a second to marvel at this before it burst revealing the unmistakable form of Henry Spencer. But this Henry was not dressed like the one she remembered. This version wore a crisp white suit with a soft pink shirt and tie. Shawn would have mocked his father for attempting to emulate an out of the closet Mr. Roark.

"So finally did in the Wicked Witch of the East. I'm impressed with your style kid, not many people would think to use a house as a murder weapon."

"I'm sorry, murder weapon?" Juliet wasn't about to take his word for it especially when her reality was skewed past recognition.

"You killed her. See for yourself." Dapper magical Henry pointed to a twisted human form trapped beneath a corner of Juliet's house. Bloody limbs jutted out at odd angles. She could tell herself this tragedy was not her fault but it didn't stop guilt from creating a lump in her throat. Everything in her wanted to resist but she forced herself to look closer. Juliet's stomach turned when she recognized the mangled face of Alison Cowley, eyes as cold and empty in death as they were in life. "You're the town hero. But I can't tell you how her sister is going to feel about this."

Panic, confusion and frustration broke her voice into rapid gasps. "What sister? Alison is supposed to be in prison. How did…" Her frantic string of questions was cut off by an explosion and a cloud of smoke. Juliet sputtered and coughed as the haze cut off the breathable air. When it finally cleared, she was face to face with Yang. Her signature psychotic grin was every bit as unnerving as Juliet remembered but what was she doing out of an institution?

"So you're the one who killed my sister." She stalked Juliet like a cat does her prey but the detective refused to show any hint of fear, even though her legs were shaking beneath her. "I can't say I'm upset to see her gone. After all, she was trying to replace me. Actually I'm impressed, crushing someone with a building, that's original. I would thank you, but then again, what's to stop you from repeating this heinous act on someone else? Like me for instance?"

"I'm out of houses to drop. You'll be fine." Juliet managed to sound unphased convincing herself she was playing along with some ridiculous joke that would be over soon.

Yang's laughter broke out an earsplitting shriek. "Feisty little pistol aren't we? I like you, and now that you got rid of that little tramp for me, I can acquire all of her powers for myself." She approached the corpse to remove a necklace tucked under Alison's collar. A small vial of glittery black fluid hung on the end of the chain. "So I'll advise you just this once to stay on my good side." Yang vanished as she had come, in a fiery bang.

"Must be your lucky day, kid. The Wicked Witch of the West doesn't usually let people off with a warning." Henry remarked with approval.

"Wicked W… Look I'm not saying this trip hasn't been a blast but I need to be on the next flight back to reality if you don't mind." Juliet had quite the tolerance for nonsense but this was going past her limits.

"Well that's a little harsh." Henry bristled.

"I'm sorry. It's just I have a life that I need to get back to." Ci Ci yapped her agreement. "And it would help if I could get my home back where it belongs."

"Fair enough. Look if you really want to get home the only person who might be able to help is the Wizard of Terminal City. But she's miles away and she's not exactly in the business of granting favors if you know what I mean."

"I'll be extra persuasive." Juliet was not one to be put off from a mission this important. Not in this or any universe. "So how do I get there?"

"Terminal City is called that because it lies at the very end of the tracks. Just follow them and you'll find it." Henry gestured in that direction to a point in the distance where the railroad tracks vanished together.

"I can do that. And thanks."

"Don't mention it."

"Let's go Ci Ci." Juliet and her furry companion started along their way to Terminal City. She glanced back for just a second and found Henry had already left in his sparkly pink bubble. "Any minute now, I'm sure I'll wake up."


	3. Of Squirrels and Scarecrows

Disclaimer: I don't profit. Please don't sue. Thanks!

Stave Three

Juliet carried on her path passing the time away by counting the tines as she passed them. However she got bored with this at 825. Instead she reviewed a little ditty Gus taught her. "There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium,  
And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium, And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium, And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium." Next she recited her favorite play quietly to herself. "My husband lives that Tybalt would have slain, and Tybalt's dead that would have slain my husband. All this is comfort, wherefore weep I then?" Here in the middle of the third act her performance was interrupted by howls of aggravation. Juliet was startled out of her rhythm and came to notice the tracks had lead her past a corn field with a crop taller than she was. She heard a familiar voice in a familiar state of frustration morphing into rage originating from somewhere in the field.

"Damn you mangy oversized rats! Come any closer and I'll skin you bare handed!" Grunts like from someone struggling punctuated the threats. "That's right scatter, little beady eyed menace!" Juliet turned from her course and pushed aside some of the tall stalks. By following the direction of the voice she uncovered a wooden post. Attached to this wooden post was her partner, Lassiter. Rather what Lassiter would look like dressed as a farmer and… stuffed with straw? Juliet was helpless to stop and stare.

"Are you gonna stand there and gawk or are you gonna help me get down?" Lassiter scarecrow growled. Ci Ci barked firmly in protest of his attitude.

"Oh sorry. I'll get you down just hold still for a second." Juliet stretched up on her tip toes to see what was holding him to his post. There were several loops of twine but she was able to cut them since Shawn had taught her to keep a pocketknife handy at all times. "Better now?" She asked her liberated partner.

"Absolutely! Turning those vermin into squirrel hash is going to be so much easier from down here." The Lassiter scarecrow relished in the prospect of violence just as much as the cop version. "Thank you Ms…"

"Detective. Juliet O'Hara." She spoke as if to prompt recognition but he was clearly drawing a blank. "You don't remember me?"

"Can't see how I could. I've been on that post my whole life. You from around here?"

"Actually no. I'm from a place called Santa Barbara. I'm on my way to Terminal City to ask the Wizard to help me get home." It sounded just as insane in her own voice as it had from Henry.

"Wait a second, _the_ Wizard? Do you mind if I tag along, maybe ask her for something to help me with this rodent infestation?" His version of charm was hardly subtle, or charming.

"What kind of something?" Juliet dared to ask.

"A side arm of course." As if this were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'm sorry you actually want to kill the squirrels? I thought you just had to scare them."

"If one accomplishes the other why split hairs?" the scarecrow shrugged. "So, are we going?"

Juliet shook her head. "I can't see why not." This was a lie. She had a list of reasons why not growing by the minute. "This goes against my better judgment but, okay you can come."

"Outstanding." The pair retraced Juliet's steps back to the tracks and traveled in silence. At least for a few moments.

"You're not very chatty are you?" Juliet inquired.

"Nope." His eyes focused forward and she tried to follow his example. Quietly. But failed.

"You mind if I call you Lassiter?"

Finally he turned his head in her direction "Should I?"

"No." Juliet answered quickly." Silence resumed. And it endured for all of two minutes. "You ever read Shakespeare?"


	4. i Shawn

AN: You should know I cherish every review, and I wouldn't say no if you gave me more to cherish.

Stave Four

The trio carried on down the tracks for perhaps a few miles until Juliet spotted a human figure stationary several yards off their path. "Who's there?" He, it? didn't answer so she had to investigate.

"What are you doing? We're making such good time!" Lassiter scarecrow protested but Juliet was already there. She wasn't sure what she was seeing. It was a perfect likeness of Shawn, but his skin was hard, smooth, and translucent like plastic. Beneath this shell, there were wires and a metallic skeleton. His eyes were glassy and there was no light within them. Most unnatural and un-Shawn-like was the utter lack of movement. He was barely this still when he slept.

"Shawn?" The replicant didn't answer to the name of his human counterpart.

"Don't name it! Soon as you do that you get attached and we never get rid of it." Even alternate Lassiter wanted nothing to do with alternate Shawn. Juliet was starting to feel at home.

"I can't just leave him here."

"Sure you can. Just walk away, see how easy that is?"

Juliet ignored her partner's suggestion. "This looks like the power button." She pointed to a red light on his chest right where a heart ought to be and when she pressed it, it switched to green. The robot Shawn came to life, or really it turned on. The light in his eyes wasn't like a living thing, more like the glow of a screen.

"Oh thank you!" Shawn-bot threw his arms around Juliet in a bear hug. Immediately she missed the warmth of her real boyfriend's embrace and her homesickness returned full force. "I've been stuck like that for ever." He released her from the hug in order to speak face to face. "I haven't seen anyone come this way for months! So um you have names?"

"Don't you?" Juliet wondered. The robot shook his head. "Is Shawn okay?"

"I like it! As long as you mean that's my name."

Lassiter pinched his nose. "What did I just tell you?"

"And uh, I guess you can call me Jules. And he's Lassie." The furriest member of the traveling party barked to remind them of her presence. "And that's Ci Ci."

"I'm sorry are those nicknames? When did we become so informal?" Lassiter wondered.

"Wow, that from a guy in suspenders and a straw hat? I can't think of… wait… No I can't think of a more text book definition of irony." Shawn said this as if he could hardly believe it himself.

"Hold on, did you just search every published example of irony just now?" Juliet would have been astonished if the human Shawn hadn't done the same trick a thousand times.

"Sure did. Cool huh?"

Lassiter answered before she could. "We're not shopping for search engines. And we can't stay."

"Wait don't go! That's why I was frozen. If noone interacts with me for ten minutes I shut down." Shawn pleaded.

"Well we don't mind if you come along." Juliet offered leading her unconventional posse back on their path.

"Yeah we do." Lassiter protested.

"No we don't. See we're on our way to Terminal City to see the Wizard." It still didn't sound like something that should be spoken outside the walls of an asylum.

"Really? Now I have to come!" Shawn's enthusiasm was reassuringly present.

"What do you want to ask her for?" Juliet gladly made conversation while Lassiter wore the expression of a bored five year old.

"Oh it's nothing really." He shrugged walking on the track with one foot and on the ground with the other.

"C'mon I won't think it's stupid I promise." She picked up Ci Ci who was attempting to walk the track half on half off as well.

"I was wondering if she could turn me into a human."

Lassiter burst out with a honk of a laugh and in exchange got a slap on the arm. "What? I didn't promise. Besides we're talking about a wizard, not the Blue Fairy." He scoffed as if confusing the two was the most absurd thing in the world.

"Pinocchio was made of wood, Hee Haw." Shawn volleyed back the same mocking tone. "If anything I'm Haley Joel Osmond from A.I. No, wait. I'm Bicentennial Man."

"This may be the most bizarre semantic argument I have ever heard." Juliet was counting the hour long taco, burrito, fajita debate she had to sit through last year. "Listen I get it. Humans are special but, becoming one? You think that's even possible?"

"You don't have a lot of magic where you come from do you?" Shawn meant it more as conclusion than question.

"Not a bit." Juliet confessed with a little disappointment.

"Believe me, spend enough time here and you'll realize there is no impossible."

"Oh I'm not spending any more time here than I have to." She declared. "I'm only going to The Wizard so she can send me and Ci Ci home."

"Really?" Juliet looked in his crestfallen eyes and the truth shifted from a no brainer, to heart wrenching.

"…Well, yeah."

"Of course." Shawn laughed it off. "Stupid question."

Lassiter moaned at the heavens. "This is going to take forever."


	5. Hair Today Gus Tomorrow

You've been waiting for him so, Heeeeeeere's Guster! Reviews = Love.

Stave Five

"Okay my turn." Shawn paused to think of a clue. "Fonda. Ford. The 8th."

"Famous Henrys!" Juliet triumphed.

"Wow you're really good at this game!"

"She should be, you've practiced it enough for the past hour and a half." Lassiter observed. Before Shawn and Juliet could play another round, they noticed they had come to the edge of a forest. Though it was broad daylight, the canopy obscured the sun leaving the path as dim as dusk. The patches of light they did see were dappled green and cast bizarre shadows on the ground. Moments after the traveling party entered this wilderness, the trees became so dense they could only follow the tracks by Shawn's electronic glow.

"What do you suppose lives in here?" he wondered.

"Trash compactors that like to crush robots." Lassiter answered flatly.

"Or ponies that like to eat hay." Shawn retorted humorlessly.

"Or detectives that kick your ass if you don't shut up." Juliet had the last word and enjoyed only a few seconds of peace. The snap of a twig kicked her senses into high alert. "Who's there?" Out of the dark, a beastly figure jumped in front of the travelers with a savage scream.

"GET OUT!" Ci Ci yelped in terror and cowered behind her mistress who was not frightened in the least.

"Gus?" This creature was indeed a very hairy version of the Gus she knew. He sported a black tangled mane of dreadlocks, a thick gnarled beard and shorter hair all over his arms and knuckles. In fact if it were not for his familiar button shirt and trousers, he would look more like an animal than a man.

"Did you not hear what I said? You can get out of my forest on your own or with my boot up your skinny white girl ass."

"Jules I think we should listen to him." Shawn advised peeking his head out from it's place behind Juliet's shoulder.

"Save it, he's not going to hurt us. And you." She turned back to Gus. "What is your problem?"

"None of your business."

"I'll warn you now she's about to make it her business." Lassiter chimed in.

"Look I just don't want people around okay? I hide in these woods to be alone, not because I like the scenery." Gus shuffled uncomfortably, as if he regretted revealing himself and wanted nothing more than to hide again. Juliet had a sneaking suspicion and as Lassiter surmised, she couldn't let it go.

"I don't mean to be insensitive but is it because you don't want people to see your hair?"

Lassiter once again interjected "What do you mean? Who'd be ashamed of looking like the offspring of bigfoot and Lenny Kravitz." most unhelpfully.

"Thank you very much." Gus spun around to return to obscurity in the shadows.

"No wait! It's actually not that bad." Juliet pleaded. Honestly all he needed was a shave and he'd be the smooth confident Gus she remembered.

"Yes it is." Shawn argued earning himself the 'shut up or I will take you down' look. Juliet hastened after the departing man just as he was about to vanish into the woods. She caught him with a gentle hand to the arm turning him back around.

"No it's not." Juliet looked him square in the eye with nothing but sincerity. "We're on our way to see the Wizard of Terminal City and I'm sure she can help you."

"You think she can get rid of this hideous mane?" Gus asked hopefully.

"If not I'll find you a really good barber." She patted him hesitantly on the shoulder finding herself ever so slightly repulsed by the mane as he put it. "So then we should get a move on." Juliet subtly wiped her hand on her jeans and nodded for the rest of her posse to catch up. Ci Ci remained as far away from the beast like Gus as possible. "The sooner we get there, the sooner I can get home."

"And the sooner I can become human." Shawn added.

"And I can start popping those demonic rodents full of lead." Lassiter relished. Gus shot Juliet a puzzled look.

"Don't ask." She grimaced.


	6. To Terminal City and Beyond

AN: I firmly believe that if you are going to read a story I have authored you should learn something. And your next reading assignment is referenced a few lines down. Extra credit to anyone that leaves a review. ;)

Stave Six

"Elements that exist as liquids at room temperature." Gus challenged.

"Mercury and Bromine." Shawn answered. The back and forth had been carrying on since they had left the forest.

"Capital of Suriname."

"Paramaribo."

"How do you even know that's right?" Lassiter wondered.

Gus shrugged "Doesn't matter. It's just to kill time."

"He's not a toy." Juliet chided.

"I don't mind Jules, it's fun. Go ahead try it."

She sighed "What book won the Newbery medal in 1994?"

"The Giver, Lois Lowery." Shawn declared. "Did you know that one?"

"Actually… no."

"Can you play literally any other game?" Lassiter begged.

Shawn nodded. "I spy with my little eye…"

"Never mind."

At long last, they reached Terminal City, which was as fabulous as Juliet had led herself to believe. Gleaming white skyscrapers tall enough to make gawkers dizzy were dwarfed by the great palace, which commanded the skyline. However standing between our weary travelers and their imposing goal was a brick wall. The tracks ended at the wooden gates, wide as they were high but not in the least welcoming. Juliet lifted one of the ten pound ring shaped knockers, knocked twice then promptly let it go.

"Who goes there?" demanded a voice from above. All five heads including the canine turned up in unison and saw Buzz peering down from the top of the wall. He was decked in a royal blue uniform not unlike the guards of Buckingham palace.

"Oh um, Juliet O'Hara…" she glanced over at her mismatched traveling party. "and companions."

"State your business." Buzz called downward.

Juliet answered "We'd like to see the Wizard." Buzz nearly fell over the wall in shock stammering as he corrected his orientation.

"Nobody sees the Wizard! Even I've never seen her!"

"But we need to see her." Juliet thought frantically for an in. "I killed the Wicked Witch of the East."

"Wait a second, you're the Witch's Juliet?" Buzz's eyes widened in awe as she nodded. "In that case I'll uh, see what I can do." He disappeared behind the wall and the doors creaked open to reveal he was now firmly on the ground. Behind him stood a humming metropolis, alive with a population of thousands coming and going in every direction. Juliet had barely begun to take in the urban spectacle before Buzz motioned for her and the rest to follow him. His long and efficient stride set a brisk pace that the others required an effort to keep up. Ci Ci was practically galloping but only too happy to do so. As they passed building after building, street after street, Juliet noticed the citizens of Terminal City were beginning to notice them, whispering excitedly, pointing and waving. Not wanting to waste a hero's welcome she smiled and waved back. However her companions took the opportunity to complain.

"Can we slow it down a notch?" Gus huffed.

"Sorry. Can't keep her Wizardry waiting." Buzz answered tirelessly. Two breaths later he stopped so abruptly the others almost piled up behind him. "We're here." The Wizard's palace was a hundred times more fabulous up close then from outside the gate. Sparkling white turrets reached so high that if one looked up they practically faded into the distance. Innumerable stained glass windows glowed in all colors of the rainbow. Buzz opened the solid oak doors to an interior that was equally spectacular. Black marble floors echoed their steps all the way up to the ceiling which arched a mile over their heads. Juliet wanted to take in the opulent beauty of the place but her escort resumed his power walk down the massive hall to an elevator plated in gold. Buzz directed them all inside and pressed the button for the top. They reached the penthouse after an excruciatingly long ride that had been broken up with a few rounds of 'Name That Tune'. It was identical to the first floor except shorter and the door was guarded by Woody in a uniform identical to that worn by Buzz. Juliet involuntarily hummed the intro bar to 'You Got a Friend in Me'.

"Juliet O'Hara, and her disciples request an audience with the Wizard." Buzz announced officially.

"Okay listen here you ultra marine Q tips…" Lassiter began.

Shawn finished "We are no one's disciples Jack!"

"I was just about to say that." the scarecrow rolled his eyes

"Well then say it." the robot scoffed.

Woody broke in "Gentlemen, I don't care what the witch slayer calls her devoted followers. The point is the Wizard does not entertain visitors."

Juliet pleaded "Can't you make this one exception it's very important." The sad girly eyes had their intended effect and Woody visibly folded.

"For you Almighty Destroyer of Evil, I will try." He opened the doors behind him only enough to slip through and shut them again. The crew anxiously awaited a response for what seemed ages. Finally the doors to the Wizard's inner sanctum were opened before them.

"Good luck." Buzz wished them before returning to his post. Juliet looked forward.

"Well, what are we waiting for?"


	7. Stay for a Spell, Take one for the Road

AN: I know you all probably solved the mystery of the Wizard a few chapters ago, but leave a review anyway.

Stave Seven

The Wizard's chamber was grander than the halls, the same black marble accented with a red carpet, red drapes and a regal throne upon which sat Chief Karen Vick.

"Come forward." She commanded. Naturally her visitors obeyed.

"Okay, I'm starting not to like this." Juliet shuddered as they approached, her suspension of disbelief faltering.

"You asked to see me, witch slayer. Have you come this far to waste my time?"

"Of course she hasn't." Gus patted Juliet's shoulder harder than necessary.

"Go ahead, she doesn't have all day." Lassiter whispered while Shawn gave her a firm nudge forward and a thumbs up. She managed to cast an icy glare at all three before addressing the Wizard.

"Yes actually. I was hoping you might be able to send me home to Santa Barbara." Juliet announced. Lassiter raised his fist to his lips. "Clear your throat at me I dare you." She warned. "My friend the scarecrow wants a sidearm to protect his crop from squirrels. The robot would like to be a human and he…" She nodded in Gus' direction while taking a breath. "…just really needs a shave."

"Seriously?" The Wizard Karen asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Is that, like a no?" Shawn ventured carefully.

"For you, it's exactly like a no." She declared with finality.

"But just for him right I mean, you can still help us can't you?" Lassiter jumped in before the desperate robot could make his case.

"Absolutely not."

Juliet couldn't accept this after the journey they had endured. "So you're not going to help any of us?"

"I didn't say that. You two gentlemen don't even require magic." The Wizard gestured at Lassiter and Gus. "There's a barber shop and a gunsmith in town, you can bother them."

Gus beamed. "They carry lavender oil?"

"Sure. As for you Juliet, I can send you and your house back where you belong in a flash."

"And Ci Ci?" She was not going anywhere without her furriest friend.

"Of course Ci Ci." Karen assured her.

"Wait a second." Shawn persisted. "If you've got enough magic for the dog you've got enough for me and I'm not leaving until we square up."

"I'm sorry but turning machine into man is considered dark magic. The kind only wicked witches use." Karen explained.

"So you're saying I should get Ms. Triple W to do the job?" Shawn asked, his hope beginning to surge back.

"Listen, creating life where it doesn't exist, at least outside the typical biological method, was deemed unnatural and profane. Not to mention the hundreds of times that spell has been mangled in the past." She shivered in disgust at the very thought.

"Well I still want to do this and if I have to ask someone else…"

"Alright." Karen sighed "If you want to take such an insane risk at least let me tell you how to do it properly." Shawn made the please continue gesture. "Firstly, you'll probably need to steal the magic The Wicked Witch of the West gained from her late sister, since she isn't going to share. You'll find her in her castle in the Dead Thicket, on our western border. Second, any selfish intentions will spoil the spell, you could turn into something half human, half dead or some combination of the two. Trust me it is much worse than it sounds. My suggestion is to have someone else enact the magic who wants you to be happy weather you are human or not."

Shawn exhaled overwhelmed. "Wow, that's sweet but I just broke things off with the good fairy of selfless enchantment. C'mon! I don't have anyone in my life who'd do that for…"

"Actually, I could do it." Juliet offered gently.

"You wou… You would? I mean, you hardly know me, and you're about to go home." His gratitude was obvious through the common courtesy.

"It's nothing. Besides, you didn't think I'd let you take on a witch without me did you?" Juliet nudged his elbow with her own.

"That's what I wanted to hear." Karen nodded. "He's going to need you two as well." She addressed Lassiter and Gus who had already had one foot each directed at the door.

Gus screwed his face up in a wince. "I don't do witches."

"And I'm not armed yet." Lassiter argued.

Shawn coughed the word "Wuss." into his fist.

"Well I wish that mattered." Karen placed a hand on her hip. "But this is an all hands on deck kind of mission. And while firepower might scare your rodents it's not going to work on…"

"Triple W." Shawn interjected. "Trademark."

"Right. Her. Point is, if you want to be human you better motivate your team here."

"That's quite a loose definition of 'team'." Lassiter muttered.

"And afterwards this…" Karen produced a vile of golden liquid from her jacket pocket. "can send the witch slayer home." She offered it open palmed to Juliet who took it gingerly as if she expected a volatile reaction.

"I wish people would quit calling me that." Juliet shrugged sheepishly.

"Well if you want that potion to work you'll have to live up to the title. Steal the Wicked Witch's magic, turn your friend into a man, one sip will take you back where you came from. Good luck."

"Real inspiring marching orders." Gus remarked with a teacher's pet style grin.

"What are you all still doing here?" Karen sighed. At this the traveling party took their leave.


	8. Go Out With A

AN: WARNING! Violence and major character whump ahead! Yeah I can't be as sadistic as some writers. (shrug)

Stave Eight

By the time the crew set off again, Gus was clean-shaven, Lassiter was armed, and the sun had begun to sink. They trekked westward as the shadows lengthened behind them until they reached a sparse dry land. What trees there were had withered and cracked. Weeds that had long since dyed turned to dust beneath their feet. Gus swallowed thickly.

"You guys think this is the Dead Thicket?"

"I'd say it's more like in a persistent vegetative state." Shawn cracked wise.

"It's dead." Juliet confirmed. "And there's our castle." The edifice was a stone fortress with towers at least forty stories high suited to imprison damsels in distress. Ci Ci whimpered in sheer terror.

"So what's the plan?" Lassiter asked as they approached the iron gate, blackened with age.

"Well." Juliet grunted struggling to move the gate, which budged only a fraction of an inch. "The way I see it, Shawn and I will handle…"

"Trip Dub." Shawn offered earning a look of disbelief from the others. "What? Abbreviations have to evolve."

"Whatever, we'll deal with the Witch. Lassiter and Gus, you find her sister's magic." She continued to yank the gate open inch by inch. "Are you guys gonna stand there or can you lend a hand?" Her tone was enough to inform the guys she was not presenting a choice. With some tandem effort, they managed to widen the unwelcoming portal enough to pass through.

Lassiter resumed his questioning. "Remind me again why we're doing this."

"Because it's my dream and I say so." Juliet muttered mostly to herself.

"No welcome mat." Gus observed. Instead the door was decorated with steel cleats that screamed "Enter at your own risk."

"Do we knock?" Lassiter wondered.

"And lose the element of surprise?" Juliet grasped the ancient knob and paused. Bracing herself for the confrontation to come, she took a deep breath and pulled. The inside was just as bleak, unused candles on dusty shelves, cobwebs stretched from the floor to the table to the ceiling. "Okay, you guys look for the vial, with any luck you find it before we run into…"

"Trip Dub." Shawn was staring in the opposite direction to the others.

"Yes her. Now can we…"

"No." He tapped Juliet's shoulder to make her turn around. Her eyes followed his pointed finger all the way to the Wicked Witch Yang.

"Surprise." The intruders were startled into defensive mode but too late. With a magical wave, Yang threw the foursome backwards each of them hitting the wall with a bone rattling crack. They were pinned by invisible shackles grinding their backs against the stone. The Witch tipped her head with a pitiful pout. "I'm really sorry you forced me to do this." Her victims struggled against the sensation of being crushed and scalded at the same time. "I tried to be fair but we couldn't take a hint could we?" Another gesture and the pressure increased bringing Juliet to a new level of agony. It was all she could do not to scream. "You had the power to just go home with your puppy and instead you ignored my warning." The Witch's prisoners writhed desperate for mercy but determined not to beg for it.

Juliet stammered trying to breathe in while her chest could scarcely move. "S…s…so, you'll just hang us… like this til… you're bored?"

"That's up to you dear. If you want this to be over, use the spell like you should have in the first place." Juliet attempted to move her arm and found it was possible, but it caused a horrific sting like red hot needles in every muscle fiber. Still she was able to reach the potion in her pocket and hang on to it with trembling fingers. "That's right Juliet, just make this whole ordeal stop, for you and your friends."

She glanced at her cohorts, all of whom in strangled cries were ordering her "Do it!" Using a flick of the wrist that required all her strength, Juliet flung the vile at Yang causing it to detonate with the force of a land mine. She would have braced herself if she could, but instead Juliet was blinded and deafened by the explosive concussion.


	9. Sip Sip Hurray!

So did I keep you in suspense long enough? Yeah it took forever for me to be happy with the ending. I don't know if writing is my wheelhouse but I hoped you had as much fun taking this ride with me as I had bringing it to life. Now that this one is out of my head, I've got new plot bunnies from other shows hopping around in there. I hope those of you who stuck with me through this will hang around in case one of those becomes real. Thanks so much!

Stave Nine

Juliet blinked rapidly until her vision faded back in, giving her the sense of looking at a developing Polaroid. She spared a thought appreciating why the SPBD used flash grenades. Once the ringing in her ears had softened to a tolerable level, she looked around noticing she and the others were released from the Witch's torture. However Gus was still twitching and flinching on the ground. Shawn could only shake his head aghast. "Really dude?" Gus's eyes sprang open, followed immediately by his body returning to vertical.

"I'm cool. So did we burn us a witch or what?" He and Shawn managed to waste a solid minute singing "Witch or what" in the style of a hip hop remix.

"Enough!" Lassiter barked then turning his attention to a pile of black soot in the place Yang had stood. Burn marks radiated in all directions and the floor beneath was fractured. "Nice job detective. You made an ash out of the Witch but you couldn't abra cadabra yourself out of this dungeon?"

"Sorry if I disappointed you. Next time I get the chance I'll make my escape and leave you in the clutches of a mad woman!"

"Guys!" Shawn interrupted. "Take the win."

Juliet nodded. "Right. The Witch is dead, next thing is… where is Ci Ci?" The dog answered her name with a timid whimper from her hiding place in the far corner of the room. Juliet retrieved her whispering "It's okay girl."

"So everyone's fine." Gus observed. "But how are we getting out of this place?"

Shawn scoffed. "Did you forget what we came here for?" He bent down next to the pile of soot that had been Yang and dug out two magical vials buried under it. One from each witch Juliet had slain.

"They survived that blast?" She was ecstatic of course but also shocked.

"Two doses of witchcraft..." Shawn fumbled the glasses catching them with his fingertips and giving Juliet a micro panic attack. "Get 'em while they're rocket hot!" He passed her one of the vials and promptly removed the miniscule cork from his own.

"Hey be careful with that stuff!" Gus warned. "Remember what the Wizard said about that voo doo?"

Juliet shrugged "Well it's all we have. And noone's going to use it for anything selfish or evil. Right?

"Absolutely." Shawn considered the vial and debated internally. "I call dibs on the castle! I mean it's not like anyone lives here now."

Lassiter stared at him amazed. "He's had power for fifteen seconds and it's gone to his head."

"Yeah we better use these ASAP." Juliet observed.

Shawn shook his head firmly. "I agree. I've almost completed a plot for world domination. Or that may be my 'Risk' app."

"You know in a weird way, I feel close to home already." Juliet couldn't help chuckling.

Gus gave her shoulder a squeeze "Hey you don't have to be a stranger around here." Juliet gave him a warm hug and a pat on the back.

"I'll try not to." She turned to Lassiter. "And I promise I won't tell anyone you'll miss me."

"Better not."

"So um…" Shawn hesitated "You ready?" His tone had all the enthusiasm of one about to get hair waxed.

"Yeah I uh…" Juliet had to look down to stop herself from welling up. "How about you Ci Ci? You ready?" A happy yelp was her answer. "Together then?" Shawn nodded and she removed the cork from her vial. "To your new life."

"To your first." Shawn answered. They tapped the glass bottle producing a tiny clink and drained them in one sip. Instantly Juliet felt woozy and unsteady. She rocked backward but Shawn was quick enough to catch her. "Jules? JULES!" He called to her lowering her slowly to the floor. "Jules!" His face was swimming in and out of focus in front of her eyes, which were growing heavy. She closed them just for a second, still Shawn's voice was calling her name. Once she was able to open her eyes again, Shawn was still there in front of her, in the flesh. He looked both gravely concerned and soaked to the bone. Behind him was Juliet's kitchen and a broken window. She was home, with the original Shawn. "Jules?"

"Shawn." Back in reality, her throat was dry and just a touch raspy.

"How many fingers do you see?" He asked holding up two.

"Six."

"Close enough. Don't move I'll be right back." Shawn disappeared just long enough for her to sit up and notice Ci Ci leaping and barking for joy. He returned with a glass of water, a wet cotton ball and bandages. "Here." Juliet sipped the water, then winced at the sting of disinfectant on her forehead. "Sorry."

She sighed "It's fine. So how long was I gone?"

"I wasn't aware you had left, Jules. But you were down when I got here and it's…" Shawn glanced at his watch, "7:08 now. And by the way…" He finished by applying a bandage and quickly examining his work. "You have got to stop scaring me to death like this! Third time since we meet you've been knocked in the head? You know that brain is what I love about you." He kissed said feature just above the bandage, stood and offered Juliet a hand to follow him upward. The head rush was brief but she needed a second to recover.

"Wait, I thought that was my heart."

He guffawed "That's what _you_ love about _me _Jules. Do I have to remind you how to make pineapple upside down cake too?"

"I don't make that and neither can you." She pointed out while putting her glass in the sink.

"See, it's all coming back." Shawn smiled removing the last trace of terror from his features. Juliet mirrored his relief.

"And it's not going anywhere." She stepped into his waiting arms and didn't even care that he was dripping all over her or that her window was still in pieces on the floor. Juliet never went back to Terminal City, she didn't have to. Everything she needed and loved was here. That's why it was home and why there's no place like it.

The End


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